Archives for category: Dating

“Have you heard from him?” 

I’ve been asked this so many times by so many different people. Family members and even my mums friends. And every time it cuts me because i would love to smile so widely and shout YES!” but i don’t think that day will ever come.

But it just got me thinking, will i ever be over him? People still ask about him so if they haven’t moved on, will i? This was always my worry after the break up because i loved him so deeply that i didn’t think i could love another man like that. And even though it’s only been just over a year i still haven’t met someone that measures up to him. He wasn’t perfect but i loved him. I could see us clearly on our wedding day and even him coming home to me and our child… The mind is a powerful thing, right?

I’ve been working so hard on myself lately and I’ve achieved a lot and i would love to share it all with him because i know he would be proud of me. But i could never reach out to him again because the silence after i hit ‘send’ is too much for me to handle. I’ve been so brave, i even met this guy and went on a couple of dates with him and even though we could talk about all sorts and it was nice… i just didn’t feel anything for him.

Will i ever feel the same about another guy again? 

I still cry about it all. And i feel so pathetic for it but i can’t help how i feel. Surely it can’t just be me that feels this overpowering love for him? Does he still feel it for me but he’s better at hiding it? What do i do? Do i risk reaching out to him again and getting ignored or do i just carry on feeling this way with the hope that i find it again with someone else?


I knew love would be hard but i didn’t think it would be like this… 


They say, “All good things come to those who wait.”

I waited.

But they also say, “All good things must come to an end.”

It ended… or did it?

Are things really over for good? Do things really come to an ending? People would say that, yes they do. When you die everything ends. Everything ends for you but not for the people that you left behind. And while i’m not talking about the death of a person, i am talking about the death of a relationship.

And yes, as i write this i am listening to sad songs to really bring out the depressive state that i’m pushing myself further into. Don’t worry though, i’m okay. And even if i wasn’t, i will be.

I want to write about him.

I know that a few people will be reading this and thinking that i will find love somewhere else because it always comes around. I know that it does. This isn’t about that.

Our relationship ended. It wasn’t bad. No one hurt the other person but obviously no relationship is perfect. We both had our fair share of emotional baggage and if it wasn’t for that i suppose everything would be fine.


It’s only been a few weeks and we’re giving each other space, which is the hardest thing ever. No calls, texts, late night skype calls. Maybe never a friendly hug ever again, who knows. But the thing is, with me and him, our connection was so strong. If we had been friends when we were younger we would still be the best of friends now. That’s how close we are… were? We would sometimes talk about the “What if we broke up?” scenario and we agreed that we would both want to remain friends because we couldn’t imagine our lives without the other in it.


Can people really stay friends after a break up? And if they can’t is it because the other person treated them so badly or is it because they know they’re meant to be together but they’re too afraid to try again?

Time away from him has made me see that he wasn’t perfect. And i wasn’t perfect. And we have some big issues of our own to sort out, separately. But there’s also things i want us to deal with together. I want us to grow together, i want us to become better versions of ourselves, i want to have all the good times and bad times together. I want us to stand together in front of every battle in life, hold hands and charge at it.


But that’s what i want and If he wants something else then us being Together might never happen.

But things are never really over. Because you think about it when you least expect it. You think about how things might have turned out if you had done something differently or never met someone. And you think that they never think about it. But i bet they do.


The End…?

This is a hard thing for me to write because my best friend has been my best friend for seven years now but unfortunately I need to vent.

Her boyfriend is a moron and she allows this behaviour.

Her and her boyfriend were friends for two years before they started going out. I was all for the union and was really excited for it to happen but when I heard that they first kissed… something didn’t feel right…

My gut instinct has always been spot on and I think most people would agree with me on this one; when something doesn’t feel right – listen to your gut. It wasn’t long before things started happening which confirmed my instinct was right. My friends boyfriend has had a small drinking problem since he was a teenager. Yeah, he might have just been like every other lad and had too many but he’s been in hospital a couple of times due to alcohol. Now, as an adult, he doesn’t drink nearly as much but since my friend knew about all this before dating him she doesn’t like it when he drinks too much.

So, to cut a long story short, over the past year that they’ve been dating he has caused problems because of his drinking. He’s not an alcoholic but he’s an annoyance when he’s had a drink and sometimes likes to involve everyone in his antics.

On a completely different note but still relevant to the story, a few weeks ago I was contacted by an old college friend. We hadn’t spoken in a year and a half so when he messaged me on facebook I was a little surprised but happy to catch up all the same. The conversation was going fine until he started to get a little flirty. Now, I know for a fact that this guy has a fetish and his fetish just so happens to be – tickling! He loves to tickle the ladies. Each to their own I say but unwanted attention is never okay. So he starts on about tickle torture and what not and I felt extremely uncomfortable but being as nice as I am I managed to leave the conversation hoping he wouldn’t contact me again – no such luck. So I mentioned my boyfriend a couple of times hoping this would jog his memory that I actually have one and this eventually made him stop contacting me. In conclusion, I don’t find this behaviour at all appropriate, I wouldn’t contact someone out of the blue and force the conversation onto my ‘well known’ fetish. Unwanted attention is wrong.

So obviously I told my best friend about this and she tried to make light of it but I didn’t find it funny. I was never close to this guy at college so I found it odd and harassing for him to message me in such a way.

Anyway, my friends boyfriend, who I knew and had became friends with before they started dating, contacted me a few nights ago to catch up. I thought this was fine since we hadn’t spoken in about 8 or so months. The conversation was going fine and was fairly normal but since it was late I went to bed. When I woke up in the morning he had replied to something I said but his next message read ‘Tickle torture ;)’. Straight away I felt sick and also angry. I took a screenshot of what he said and sent it to my friend and told her that it was fine she told him about what happened but that sending me that was not okay.

And finally we get onto why I am mad.

My friend was completely apologetic! She was frantic you would even say. She had been talking to her boyfriend about his drinking and was annoyed because she finally thought he was being mature. She was even so concerned that I would fall out with her because of what he said. I assured her that I would never but that I couldn’t be bothered with his behaviour anymore, and by that I meant hearing about it from her every time we went for lunch. Her boyfriend then sends me a ‘less than heartfelt’ apology and this is when her mood changes.

She actually starts defending him! Saying that he’s just a random guy who says and does weird things and that it’s all part of the package!

I felt sick all day.

Now, I’m not some horrible person and I didn’t want her to be mad at her boyfriend all day but she only lasted an hour. After frantic apologising to defending his actions, I genuinely couldn’t believe it. I’m not going to stay mad at her forever but it genuinely hurt that she was so scared she was going to lose me as a friend one minute to defending her boyfriend and excusing his actions the next.

If you’ve made it this far, I thank you. I just really needed to get all that off my chest.


Much love and have fun 🙂 x

There’s been a news article going about now for the past few months about a woman and her boyfriend who enjoy the feeder and feedee relationship. As much as I don’t have a problem with people acting on their desires I wanted to write about my own experience with it.

After leaving college I started working in a café/bar. I was depressed with extremely low self esteem and no confidence. But then I met this guy who was really cute. He was always up at the bar but I didn’t serve him until I was left to handle the place by myself for a few minutes, that’s when we first spoke. It was the open mic night at the bar and I head him sing and play guitar, which was just my type at the time. To my complete shock he gave me a little note with his name and number on it before he left with his friends that night. I felt amazing! I hadn’t had a boyfriend for a few years and no guy had shown interest in me in that time.

We spoke and met up a couple of weeks later for our first date which was really fun. We met up again that weekend for a fun day out too. I think after this point is when he first made his intentions clear in what he liked and didn’t like. He told me that he liked bigger girls, being a big girl myself with no confidence and convinced that no guy would ever want to touch me, this revelation was very flattering, which now when I think about it, wasn’t such a good thing.

The night we first slept together he forced these small sweets into mouth. He was laying on top of me and didn’t stop when I forced my mouth shut and shook my head to say no. He eventually stopped, thank god. Even during sex he kept asking me if I’d put on weight and how much weight I would put on for him. It was extremely uncomfortable but being very naïve and young I just went along with it. We met up a couple of times afterwards but he eventually ended it. Shortly after me he moved onto another very naïve girl, or so I heard through the grapevine. Due to being with him it made me join sites that were very ‘big girl’ accepting and I met creep after creep but I carried on with it because I was miserable and I wanted a guy to like me for who I am.

And now I have an amazing boyfriend who has said he’ll love me no matter what size I am. I guess the moral of this blog post is, do what makes you happy. If you are a girl and you enjoy the feeder/feedee relationship then great! Enjoy yourself! But if you’ve started dating a guy who enjoys it and you’re not sure and you’re doing things for his benefit and to make him happy instead of yourself then be careful. I know it’s a silly saying but…

It will happen when you least expect it.

Whatever the ‘It’ may be.


Much love and have fun 🙂 x

The same old questions pop up. Can you trust him? How can you stand to be apart for so long? But don’t you just want to jump into bed with someone else?

In short.


It’s difficult but we’re working towards being together and building a life with one another. This is just temporary.

And no. Cause I’m loyal as fuck and there’s no one like him.

Trust me, I was dubious about the whole thing. I had fallen for a couple of guys when I was younger who lived far away and it didn’t work out well…. one had a girlfriend and the other had several girls on his hook (Which wasn’t as big as he thought it was).

But when me and my boyfriend first started talking it felt like I was talking to my best friend. He had only been out of a 2 and a half year relationship for 4 months, which was awful and dragged on for at least a year more than it should have. And I was being fucked about by some guy who told me that I was well on my way to becoming his girlfriend. Uh huh. So we talked and talked for days just by text and then we decided to talk face to face on Skype. The first time didn’t go smoothly because he had trouble with his computer, which I thought was an excuse and I was convinced he was gonna throw me aside like every other guy, but he didn’t. We did Skype for about half an hour but the signal was bad so he called me and we spoke on the phone for 3 hours. He sorted his computer problems and we skyped every night that week. And sometimes all we would do is look at each other and I knew then that I was in love with him. Little did I know but he was in love with me too and had been since our first conversation basically!!

Less than a month later he travelled up to see me with his friends who purposely booked a weekend break where I live just so he could tag along and meet me. And that was it! We’ve been together a year now! And yeah, it’s been tough as hell. There’s a lot of time spent apart and a lot of it spent looking at him on a computer screen but like I said at the beginning, it’s only temporary. I’ll be moving down to be with him by the end of this year, since he has studies and can’t move at the moment, or at the very least the beginning of next year.

It’s difficult for us both because we both have depression and anxiety and sometimes it feels like when one of us is up, the other one is down. But we help each other. We comfort each other. He’s my best friend. My boyfriend. And the absolute love of my life.

I’m writing this to show that long distance love really can work. Because that’s what it takes – A LOT of WORK! The loving each other comes easy and nothing can change that. But working around jobs and social lives to make time to talk to the other person could be challenging. Me and my boyfriend don’t really have social lives cause we’re socially awkward but hey, that’s just us 😛 We’re lucky in a sense because we see each other every few weeks. I don’t know how people who are long distance across oceans handle it. You guys are the true heroes in this situation!

I guess I’ll stop rambling about my boyfriend… for now.

Much love and Have fun 🙂 x

I don’t know you and you don’t know me. But we both know him.

I don’t know your likes and dislikes but I do know how you treated him and I don’t understand why.

I guess I should say thank you in a way because you showed him what it’s like to be mistreated and I showed him what it’s like to be loved.

He’ll never doubt himself again.

He’ll never hide away in the bathroom just to get away from you.

He’ll never be told to sleep on the couch after an argument; we’ll talk instead.

He’ll never be given the silent treatment for days on end.

He’ll never be used.

He’ll never pretend to be happy because he fears your reaction.

He’ll never feel scared to tell me how he’s really feeling.

He’ll never be judged for any job he chooses to have or anything he wants to do.

He’ll never feel unappreciated.

He’ll never feel unloved.

He’ll never miss you.



Thank you for letting him go.

I realise that is absolutely fine to talk about sex and that it’s a natural part of being human but does that mean we have to talk about it all the damn time?

Most of us have grown up in this age where sex is a massive deal and if you’re not having it or talking about it or doing it 5 times a day with different partners then that means that there’s something wrong with you. That’s wrong.

Now, I’m not a prude or anything like that. I’m a normal human and I enjoy sex but I just don’t like talking about the details of my sex life with other humans. Is that wrong? For example, a friend of mine is a virgin. It’s their choice and I respect it and I’ve never questioned them because it’s none of my business. Recently my friend got into a relationship and started asking me for advice on how to ‘please’ their partner. I can understand why they asked, having never done it before, but I felt very awkward to say the least. Especially when they said ‘Have you got any tips?’.

It honestly made me feel like I was some sex expert. Which I am not. Who is?

So obviously I had to tell my friend that I was extremely uncomfortable with the conversation and that I couldn’t continue it. Call me old fashioned, but the details of my sex life and the people I’ve shared it with will always remain my business.

Being a teenager and starting to have a sex life was a really big deal and it was all you wanted to talk about but now I’m nearly mid twenties, I know I’m not old by any standards, but I’ve grown up a lot and playing drinking games were you have to name your favourite sexual position just does not appeal to me.

Now, please don’t get me wrong here. I love a good dirty joke and I’m full of innuendos but that’s all made up and funny. I would never tell someone about a sexual experience of mine for entertainment value or to humiliate someone. Not now that I’ve grown up.

I’m not trying to offend anyone here. I mean if you love talking about your sex life then great! But make sure who you’re talking to about it also enjoys it. Or that person will go home picturing you in all sorts of positions and probably end up feeling uncomfortable around you in future. Nobody wants to feel like that.


It’s okay to be a virgin.

It’s okay to wait until marriage.

It’s okay to have had over 10 sexual partners.

And it is okay to talk about it. Just make sure it’s not the only thing.

And as always, be safe.

Much love and have fun 🙂