Archives for category: advice

“Have you heard from him?” 

I’ve been asked this so many times by so many different people. Family members and even my mums friends. And every time it cuts me because i would love to smile so widely and shout YES!” but i don’t think that day will ever come.

But it just got me thinking, will i ever be over him? People still ask about him so if they haven’t moved on, will i? This was always my worry after the break up because i loved him so deeply that i didn’t think i could love another man like that. And even though it’s only been just over a year i still haven’t met someone that measures up to him. He wasn’t perfect but i loved him. I could see us clearly on our wedding day and even him coming home to me and our child… The mind is a powerful thing, right?

I’ve been working so hard on myself lately and I’ve achieved a lot and i would love to share it all with him because i know he would be proud of me. But i could never reach out to him again because the silence after i hit ‘send’ is too much for me to handle. I’ve been so brave, i even met this guy and went on a couple of dates with him and even though we could talk about all sorts and it was nice… i just didn’t feel anything for him.

Will i ever feel the same about another guy again? 

I still cry about it all. And i feel so pathetic for it but i can’t help how i feel. Surely it can’t just be me that feels this overpowering love for him? Does he still feel it for me but he’s better at hiding it? What do i do? Do i risk reaching out to him again and getting ignored or do i just carry on feeling this way with the hope that i find it again with someone else?


I knew love would be hard but i didn’t think it would be like this… 


Warning: There will be a mention of the most disgusting swear word in this post.

I’ve spoke before about family problems I had been having with my auntie and my grandmother. Well, things have escalated and I know longer think of them as family.

An incident at Christmas has been twisted and my mum was the victim of countless numbers of emotional and verbal abuse from my aunt. After I write this she will never be called that again.

My other auntie surprised us yesterday with a visit from Ireland which was great because she’s great! And we had some other family members from Ireland going to visit my granny at her house. So my mum went down and was surprised to learn that one of my aunties friends was going to be there to meet these family members. My mum was obviously a bit set back because this particular friend was a part of the malicious gossip about my mum. So she did ask why she was going to be there, to which my aunt replied in the most childish manner ‘Because she’s our pal and she’s allowed if we say so.’ Then they started attacking my mum with all the gossip they had heard. (My mum was supposed to have said something about one of their friends. It’s untrue because this particular night I was next to my mum the whole time and she said nothing of the sort). My mum then left without seeing her family members who were visiting and came home.

She sat down and burst into tears and sat with the most hopeless expression on her face. I had enough. I called my aunt and asked her what had happened. And it was like talking to a sulking teenager. She blamed my mum for everything and started shouting, so I raised my voice at her which she didn’t like but I didn’t let up, I kept talking and made valid points over whatever rubbish she was talking. And then she said it. Or roared it down the phone like the big bully she is. “YOU FUCKING WEE CUNT!!” I had carried on talking before I realised that she had hung up on me.

I was shaking, I burst into tears. I’m still shaking now hours after it happened. I’ve never been spoken to like that in my entire life. Not even the people that bullied me for years shouted at me like that.

And now for the big laugh, my aunt then text my mum 30 minutes later saying the relatives had arrived and asked if she wanted to come down. We were absolutely dumbfounded. This was clearly all for show. This shows what a two faced bully she really is. We’ve also said for years that she has some psychological issues that really need to be treated and not just brushed under the carpet.

So that, ladies and gentlemen is why I am one less auntie down.  I now only have one and to be honest, she’s the best one. She’s fun, supportive and kind.



Never stay tied to family members who belittle and bully you.

To a quote a line from the Friends theme song; ‘I’ll be there for you.’

Well i must have been abducted by aliens or kidnapped by a travelling circus because my ‘best friend’ hasn’t seen me since my life took a nose dive into the seventh circle of hell.

Yes, i know people have their own lives and work and then have to find time to socialise somewhere in between.

It’s been nearly six weeks since everything happened and she was the first person i phoned. The only person i phoned to be honest. And she was in disbelief and saying how sad it was and if i wanted to hang out and watch bad movies then all i had to do was ask…

I’ve been asking. For the past six weeks. And she’s cancelled on me twice. Or asked to see her boyfriend instead of me.

My anxiety has been awful since everything changed. I was so confident before and now i’m like a dehydrated bee crawling on the ground and wishing someone would come to my aid… or squish me. I’m not fussed at this point. I had asked my friend if she would come to my part of the city, she lives on the other side and we usually meet in the middle, because i’m literally a mess when i get into town. It’s too busy and i start to panic whenever someone looks at me. I even said i would pay her bus fare, which i shouldn’t really have to do. Any friend would be like, ‘Nuh uh, i’ll be there. What time? What dress code? What planet?’ So why isn’t she doing that? 

Normally i would go into a complete rant here but i don’t have the energy. All i know is, if it was the other way around i would be more than accommodating.  You’d think she’d say to her boyfriend, ‘Listen, i’m not gonna see you this week cause i’m gonna go see my best friend. She needs me right now.’ But i guess life isn’t a fairy tale, as i found out this year.

The sad truth is; my best friend is him.

I can’t even call him what he is (ex boyfriend). Because i don’t think that sums up what he was to me. Or still is, i don’t really know. But he is, without a doubt, my best friend. He gives the best advice, we can talk about anything, we like the same TV shows, movies etc. And i guess that’s what makes this so hard. Because what if i can’t have that anymore? Understandably, the romantic relationship is over but i still want everything else.

And no wonder, since my other friend hasn’t even bothered to come and see me and doesn’t ask how i’m getting on.

I really hope i don’t spend too much longer in this depressive state of writing and things start turning around. I’ve had my fair share of grief this year and we’re only in May.


Aliens? Please abduct me. 

There’s been a news article going about now for the past few months about a woman and her boyfriend who enjoy the feeder and feedee relationship. As much as I don’t have a problem with people acting on their desires I wanted to write about my own experience with it.

After leaving college I started working in a café/bar. I was depressed with extremely low self esteem and no confidence. But then I met this guy who was really cute. He was always up at the bar but I didn’t serve him until I was left to handle the place by myself for a few minutes, that’s when we first spoke. It was the open mic night at the bar and I head him sing and play guitar, which was just my type at the time. To my complete shock he gave me a little note with his name and number on it before he left with his friends that night. I felt amazing! I hadn’t had a boyfriend for a few years and no guy had shown interest in me in that time.

We spoke and met up a couple of weeks later for our first date which was really fun. We met up again that weekend for a fun day out too. I think after this point is when he first made his intentions clear in what he liked and didn’t like. He told me that he liked bigger girls, being a big girl myself with no confidence and convinced that no guy would ever want to touch me, this revelation was very flattering, which now when I think about it, wasn’t such a good thing.

The night we first slept together he forced these small sweets into mouth. He was laying on top of me and didn’t stop when I forced my mouth shut and shook my head to say no. He eventually stopped, thank god. Even during sex he kept asking me if I’d put on weight and how much weight I would put on for him. It was extremely uncomfortable but being very naïve and young I just went along with it. We met up a couple of times afterwards but he eventually ended it. Shortly after me he moved onto another very naïve girl, or so I heard through the grapevine. Due to being with him it made me join sites that were very ‘big girl’ accepting and I met creep after creep but I carried on with it because I was miserable and I wanted a guy to like me for who I am.

And now I have an amazing boyfriend who has said he’ll love me no matter what size I am. I guess the moral of this blog post is, do what makes you happy. If you are a girl and you enjoy the feeder/feedee relationship then great! Enjoy yourself! But if you’ve started dating a guy who enjoys it and you’re not sure and you’re doing things for his benefit and to make him happy instead of yourself then be careful. I know it’s a silly saying but…

It will happen when you least expect it.

Whatever the ‘It’ may be.


Much love and have fun 🙂 x

I realise that is absolutely fine to talk about sex and that it’s a natural part of being human but does that mean we have to talk about it all the damn time?

Most of us have grown up in this age where sex is a massive deal and if you’re not having it or talking about it or doing it 5 times a day with different partners then that means that there’s something wrong with you. That’s wrong.

Now, I’m not a prude or anything like that. I’m a normal human and I enjoy sex but I just don’t like talking about the details of my sex life with other humans. Is that wrong? For example, a friend of mine is a virgin. It’s their choice and I respect it and I’ve never questioned them because it’s none of my business. Recently my friend got into a relationship and started asking me for advice on how to ‘please’ their partner. I can understand why they asked, having never done it before, but I felt very awkward to say the least. Especially when they said ‘Have you got any tips?’.

It honestly made me feel like I was some sex expert. Which I am not. Who is?

So obviously I had to tell my friend that I was extremely uncomfortable with the conversation and that I couldn’t continue it. Call me old fashioned, but the details of my sex life and the people I’ve shared it with will always remain my business.

Being a teenager and starting to have a sex life was a really big deal and it was all you wanted to talk about but now I’m nearly mid twenties, I know I’m not old by any standards, but I’ve grown up a lot and playing drinking games were you have to name your favourite sexual position just does not appeal to me.

Now, please don’t get me wrong here. I love a good dirty joke and I’m full of innuendos but that’s all made up and funny. I would never tell someone about a sexual experience of mine for entertainment value or to humiliate someone. Not now that I’ve grown up.

I’m not trying to offend anyone here. I mean if you love talking about your sex life then great! But make sure who you’re talking to about it also enjoys it. Or that person will go home picturing you in all sorts of positions and probably end up feeling uncomfortable around you in future. Nobody wants to feel like that.


It’s okay to be a virgin.

It’s okay to wait until marriage.

It’s okay to have had over 10 sexual partners.

And it is okay to talk about it. Just make sure it’s not the only thing.

And as always, be safe.

Much love and have fun 🙂