People say time is a healer. Well, if that’s the case can i have my money back? Or can someone speed up the process for me?

The end of this month will be the 4th month since my ex ended things with me. And as much as everything else in my life, apart from a couple of things, are working even better than before, i’m still sad. Not all day every day but every single day i wake up and he’s the first thing i think about. And he’s the last thing i think about at night. I’m really not torturing myself, trust me. I really can’t help it.

I’ve been working really hard at the gym and my body is starting to shape itself in a way that i like so i’m feeling super positive about that. I’ve started talking to more people… kind of. Might just be empty conversation but at least it’s real life human beings. I’m more confident when i go out now which is also amazing since a couple of months ago i was scared to leave the house by myself. And even though things are getting better, i’m still utterly heart broken.

I’ve tried thinking back to a time where i felt worse or things were harder and i can, don’t get me wrong, but none of those times felt as bad as this. I just genuinely feel like a part of my soul is missing. I mean, i’m even crying while writing this, that’s how hard it is. I see people online or on TV shows talking about their ex partners and they always say all these nasty things or make jokes about them but i can’t talk about him like that. Because even though he wasn’t perfect – he was perfect for me. We had met online and the first time i saw his face in his little photo this feeling just washed over me, like a literally wave and i knew from that moment that he was The One. Laugh all you want but i’ve never had that feeling before, and that’s not to say i won’t have it again. But honestly, i think you only ever get one ‘The One’. I’m sure a guy will come along eventually but he’ll probably be like half a one. Three quarters at the most.

I haven’t spoken to him in over a week. I had asked him to block my number so i wouldn’t be tempted to text him because the desire to was too much. And even though he said he wasn’t, some times he was ignoring me. One time really but it was for two weeks. I had called and left a voicemail a couple of times, i had a really bad week. And even though i spoke to other friends i wanted to speak to him. But i’ve had no response. Which i know is for the best.

I had asked him if he could ever see himself being with me again and he said no. I expected it but i just couldn’t believe him. I have, however, took that as the truth because there’s anything else i can do. But i just feel like he’s put up a massive wall. He doesn’t want to get hurt and i reckon people would talk him out of it if he even considered getting back together with me. I just have a feeling and i’m learning to trust those feelings.

All i can do now is keep moving forward and get on with life. And maybe we’ll meet up some way down the road.

 

I really hope so.

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