I woke up this morning and the first thing I did was cry.

I had a dream last night that me and M had been making love and it was amazing. And when I woke up I realised that I can never experience that again so I started to cry.

I never thought I’d feel like this. Guys in the past were easy to get over but maybe that’s because I would start talking to a different guy a few weeks later. I’ve not done that. A friend of mine said to me ‘You need to find someone who will treat you like a princess!’ And I thought; no. What I had was good for me. We both treated each other and that’s what I liked about it.

But here we are. On month 3 of post break up and I still think about him every god damn day. He called me the other day to let me know that his phone hadn’t been working for a while, I had tried to phone him but he didn’t answer so I assumed he was ignoring me, and we had a great talk. And after we hung up I was so happy for the rest of the night. But it shouldn’t be that way, should it? You should hang up and be exactly the same before you answered the call.

I don’t know how he’s feeling and I suspect that I never will. But the feelings I have for him are ridiculously strong. And I am trying my hardest here. I focus on myself, I see my friends more, I’m a lot healthier. I’ve even tried fantasising about other guys but nope… doesn’t work. He’s always there.

Unrequited love?