I haven’t wrote in a while and it’s because I’ve been fairly busy trying to sort myself out. My confidence was slipping really badly due to not working and not seeing friends so I’m now volunteering with a great little charity shop not too far from me. Everyone is really nice and I can do as much as I want without letting anyone down.

I would say things were going pretty well until recently when I started getting upset more everyday over little things. I’m definitely due a trip to the doctors to talk about how things are going. Thankfully I have a new doctor who knows about mental health and actually knows what he’s talking about. I was also away staying with my boyfriend for a week which was really over due since I hadn’t seen him in four weeks. Unfortunately, it’s my birthday next week and he won’t be able to come and see me since he’s working full time and couldn’t get the day off, I’m not going to lie… I’m heartbroken. He wasn’t there on the day last year but came up the day after, and I wouldn’t have minded if he couldn’t have at all because we had only been dating a few weeks but this year what with everything that’s been happening, it was the one thing I truly wanted. But no matter how much I pout and cry there’s nothing that can be done. He’ll still put in tons of effort as he always does.

If anyone follows my blog or even reads the ‘not so greatly put together’ posts, you might notice that I was having some family problems. They have been somewhat sorted but it’ll never be the same again. The words that were said by the people involved have greatly affected my health. Nothing bad was said about me personally but when it’s aimed at your immediate family it does affect you greatly, as I’m sure everyone will understand. Because of this I have been crying… a lot. I know it’s a normal reaction of mine but I was annoyed with myself because I was feeling good and motivated and it seems like these particular people keep knocking me back down again. Because of this I have decided to not see them for a little while. They need to make an effort with my brother and my mum and until I see that improvement I don’t want to be associated with them. Some may call that harsh and hurtful but they ignored my brother for 3 months without even mentioning his name so I’m sure I can manage just fine.

As for my best friend, I’ve not seen her for nearly 2 months… again. She told me the last time we met up that we’d definitely meet up before I went away to see my boyfriend for a week. I gave her the date I was leaving and I said I was free pretty much everyday, since I’m not working at the moment. She didn’t mention it again. I asked her if she was free and she said she wasn’t. So I was fine with it, she’s got family stuff going on like everyone else but when I see she’s tagged her and her boyfriend in at the cinema or they’re at lunch somewhere it just makes me so mad. Ever since they’ve became official all her time goes into being with him and of course, yeah that does happen but rule number 1 is that you should never forget about your friends; and she has. My boyfriend told me to just ask her if she wants to go for lunch but I point blank refuse to do that since I’ve been the one to ask for about 6 months now and I’m exhausted. Also, the last time we hung out, her boyfriend was away on holiday for a week, so I felt like she was just sat with me because he wasn’t there. And she even said “We should make this lunch count cause who knows when we’ll meet up again!” If I didn’t know any better I would say that she was blowing me off before I even got a chance to make plans with her again.

Anyway, if anyone has read this, I’m fine if no one has, it was purely to let go of some of the negative feelings I’ve been having. Writing about them is so therapeutic; it’s unreal! I hope everyone is well!

Much love and have fun 🙂 x

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