Archives for the month of: June, 2016

I understand that we’re all busy with family, work and relationships but seeing friends is also important… So why are mine all rubbish?

Recently I’ve contacted two friends; one I’ve been friends with for 7 years and the other one about a year.

The one I’ve known for 7 years has more interest in seeing her boyfriend and taking way over 24 hours to respond to any of my messages. And the other called me boring because I refuse to talk about my sex life!

In all honesty, I feel like completely giving up. I ask these girls to hang out and I’m met with shitty excuses and peer pressure. It’s the worst feeling in the whole world.

I’ll admit I’m not the best friend in the entire world but if someone needs to talk then I’m always on the other end of the phone and giving advice even if I’m going through a terrible time but when I’m going through a bad time no one wants to listen. So I’ve stopped telling my ‘friends’ when stuff has been going on.

I just don’t know if I can take another one of these times. What hurt most is that my friend of seven years blatantly lied to me one time when I asked if she was free. She said she would need to see if she was working or not and didn’t get back to me. So I messaged her the day before to ask if she was and she said she had the day off but that she was seeing her boyfriend, which I know for a fact she knew all along because they plan to meet up a week in advance. So I’m sat here feeling like shit.

What’s worse is my friend making me feel bad for wanting to move to another place to be with my boyfriend and she says ‘But i’ll never see you!’

You don’t see me now!!

It’s completely frustrating! So instead of spending time with friends I’m having to write about how annoyed I am with them. I really do apologize if anyone reads this but I just seriously needed to rant.

As always;

Much love and have fun 🙂 x

 

I’m 23 nearly 24 and I’ve been self harming since I was 13. On and off depending on how bad I was at the time. And I’ve had a good run this past while, I hadn’t self harmed for about a year and a half… until this afternoon.

I woke up in a complete state, anxious and panicking about everything and this has been happening on and off for the past month and every single time it’s happened I’ve thought about self harming and I haven’t done it. Well, today I had enough. I did it.

And I don’t feel ashamed.

I spoke to my boyfriend afterwards and he reassured me that everything was okay and the fact that I hadn’t done it in so long and it got the better of me today was just a small defeat.

It is so refreshing to have that response instead of the usual anger and look of pity on peoples faces that I usually get.

I just want to note that I’m not glorifying self harm here. I’m not saying ‘Here ya go kids, here’s an outlet for ya’. No way. It is the worst thing ever to do to yourself and it hurts like hell. I didn’t do it too badly today, just enough to stop everything whizzing around in my brain. It’s an awful thing to do to your body, because our bodies are beautiful. And I wish every time I’m having a rough week or month that I had a better outlet. My outlet is usually food and that’s not good either. I wish I could switch it to spending too much money on make up to cheer myself up or go clothes shopping but I don’t because none of that interests me.

I guess I’m rambling here and I’m sorry for anyone who is reading this but that’s just the way I am. It’s good to talk about it, even though no one is saying anything back.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t feel bad if you slip up and do the thing that’s your outlet, whether it be drink, spending too much money, breaking dishes in the kitchen or even shouting at someone. It happens to us all. Just make sure you pick yourself up afterwards and ask someone for a hug if you need it or even just make yourself a cup of coffee. I know it sounds cliché, but tomorrow is a new day.

Everything is going to be fine.

 

Much love and have fun 🙂 x

I don’t know you and you don’t know me. But we both know him.

I don’t know your likes and dislikes but I do know how you treated him and I don’t understand why.

I guess I should say thank you in a way because you showed him what it’s like to be mistreated and I showed him what it’s like to be loved.

He’ll never doubt himself again.

He’ll never hide away in the bathroom just to get away from you.

He’ll never be told to sleep on the couch after an argument; we’ll talk instead.

He’ll never be given the silent treatment for days on end.

He’ll never be used.

He’ll never pretend to be happy because he fears your reaction.

He’ll never feel scared to tell me how he’s really feeling.

He’ll never be judged for any job he chooses to have or anything he wants to do.

He’ll never feel unappreciated.

He’ll never feel unloved.

He’ll never miss you.

 

 

Thank you for letting him go.

I realise that is absolutely fine to talk about sex and that it’s a natural part of being human but does that mean we have to talk about it all the damn time?

Most of us have grown up in this age where sex is a massive deal and if you’re not having it or talking about it or doing it 5 times a day with different partners then that means that there’s something wrong with you. That’s wrong.

Now, I’m not a prude or anything like that. I’m a normal human and I enjoy sex but I just don’t like talking about the details of my sex life with other humans. Is that wrong? For example, a friend of mine is a virgin. It’s their choice and I respect it and I’ve never questioned them because it’s none of my business. Recently my friend got into a relationship and started asking me for advice on how to ‘please’ their partner. I can understand why they asked, having never done it before, but I felt very awkward to say the least. Especially when they said ‘Have you got any tips?’.

It honestly made me feel like I was some sex expert. Which I am not. Who is?

So obviously I had to tell my friend that I was extremely uncomfortable with the conversation and that I couldn’t continue it. Call me old fashioned, but the details of my sex life and the people I’ve shared it with will always remain my business.

Being a teenager and starting to have a sex life was a really big deal and it was all you wanted to talk about but now I’m nearly mid twenties, I know I’m not old by any standards, but I’ve grown up a lot and playing drinking games were you have to name your favourite sexual position just does not appeal to me.

Now, please don’t get me wrong here. I love a good dirty joke and I’m full of innuendos but that’s all made up and funny. I would never tell someone about a sexual experience of mine for entertainment value or to humiliate someone. Not now that I’ve grown up.

I’m not trying to offend anyone here. I mean if you love talking about your sex life then great! But make sure who you’re talking to about it also enjoys it. Or that person will go home picturing you in all sorts of positions and probably end up feeling uncomfortable around you in future. Nobody wants to feel like that.

Also,

It’s okay to be a virgin.

It’s okay to wait until marriage.

It’s okay to have had over 10 sexual partners.

And it is okay to talk about it. Just make sure it’s not the only thing.

And as always, be safe.

Much love and have fun 🙂

 

Is it sad to name the things I own? I always like giving names to objects or cuddly toys cause it makes them more real in my opinion. When I stay with my boyfriend I always meet this friendly cat that lives down the road. I don’t know her name so I just call her Jessie cat cause that’s what she looks like. She has a number on her collar and I often think about texting her owner and asking what her name is but I think that’s a little too crazy…

Anyway, to the point of this entry. Toshi is my new and beloved laptop. He’s a Toshiba one and my boyfriend, knowing me so well, asked me what I was going to name him but I couldn’t think of anything so he suggested Toshi and here we are!

I bought him at a car boot sale of all places (The laptop not my boyfriend). For anyone who may not know what a car boot sale is, it’s basically where people sell things from their cars. I know it may sound a tad dodgy. My mum personally thought I was mad when I told her I bought Toshi from there. “What if it’s stolen?” She asked. And yeah, that did cross my mind but that’s the risk you have to take with these things. My main worry was that I bought him and he wasn’t going to work very well and I’d have to fix him up a bit but he works a treat. The only thing I need for him now is STICKERS! Every laptop needs an array of quirky fun stickers. Maybe that’s just me but hey!

It’s great having him now because I can watch Game of Thrones (I’m only on season 4, I was very late to this particular party) and obviously write about what a weird person I am because I’m talking about my computer as if he’s an actual person. Also, having the freedom to write about things on actual keyboard is the greatest feeling ever! I don’t even know if anyone reads what I write but I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing about it.

I think me and Toshi are off for a sleep now (I seriously need to stop) but we’ll be back with more silly words. My head is absolutely buzzing with ideas of what to write about but I’m trying to keep to one post a day… if my fingers will let me.

Much love and have fun 🙂 x

So when I’m going through a tough time I tend to alienate myself from people especially friends. They say you can count your true friends on one hand and they’re right cause I only really have three.

Two of them recently got in touch in our group chat to ask if I was back home so we could all meet up. I said I couldn’t because I wasn’t well but if they wanted to then they could and they could just fill me in on any gossip. I didn’t apologise for saying I wasn’t well, I usually do. But I decided that I have nothing to be sorry for. I need time to myself to write and surround myself with good things and I just feel like those two friends sometimes bring up things in conversation that drive me mad and I don’t want to sit there and feel that way because that’s not who I am.

So yeah, sometimes I feel like a bad friend because of that. And sure, I could sit there and pretend to be happy and listen to how one of them talks about how her boyfriend doesn’t hold her hand and how the other just spent £500 on make up but right now, I would rather not.

I get this way sometimes and it annoys me so much because I do want to see my friends but sometimes I just want to be alone. I sometimes wonder if anyone else does this? I feel like I have no one to talk to about such things because my friends don’t have the same health issues as me. It would be nice to read another persons blog who experiences the same things. If anyone ever reads this and knows about any blogs please feel free to post a comment with a link to their profile. And if you’ve reached this point then thank you for listening to my silly words.

Much love and have fun 🙂 x

Having mental health issues or any health issues is difficult.

Being in a long distance relationship is difficult.

I have both. (Yay)

It was known from that start that both me and my boyfriend have mental issues. We both have depression, anxiety and previous eating disorders. His eating habits being on the low end of the scale and mine at the top. I guess that makes us pretty similar in a way. It also makes it extremely difficult to deal with.

It’s a horrible feeling getting a call from the one you love saying they’re having a panic attack and all you can do is talk to them and reassure them that everything is okay. You can’t hold them and kiss them and it hurts like hell.

Being apart from my boyfriend can be extremely hard for me because I don’t have a job at the moment due to my health so I have to do things to keep me occupied. He goes to university during his term time but he found out today he got a full time job he applied for. I’m completely over the moon for him, don’t get me wrong, but it now means it’ll be even harder for us to spend time together and I’m trying my best to see the positives. When I’m back in Home 1, which is where I live at the moment, I always make sure I have one of his t-shirts to sleep with at night and I have photos of us on my wall. He has a box of things like photos and keep sakes of mine in a box in his bedroom. It’s so important to have a physical thing to hold onto when we’re apart.

Anyway, I’m rambling. I really hope this post reaches people who are in the same situation because it would be great to hear about your experiences and share any advice that we may have.

Much love and have fun 🙂 x

Hello 🙂

So I started up this blog a few years ago but I didn’t take it anywhere due to some health problems I was having but now I’m back. I’ve had the writing bug biting me for a while now but with no laptop and no outlet I was struggling. But then me and my boyfriend went to a car boot sale on the off chance there would be a magical laptop there… and there was! His name is Toshi (the laptop not my boyfriend) since he’s a wee Toshiba one. I’m so happy that I have him now (both Toshi and my boyfriend) so that I can write and watch Game of Thrones without leaving the comfort of my bedroom. This blog might have some tales of my day to day boring life and other times it might have some short stories that I’ve made up.

I will say now (for anyone who will actually read this) that the past year has been the best one of my life. I met a boy. And he is the greatest living soul on this earth, to me anyway. We are so similar and he inspires me everyday. The only downfall is that we don’t live in the same City, although we are both from there. So yes, it’s long distance for now but we have plans to live together by the end of the year and I pray that it happens. Our distance is only 4-5 hours by train and we see each other roughly every two weeks, sometimes for weeks at a time or for a few days but we make do. I feel for the people who are in long distance relationships that takes up thousand and thousands of miles. You are truly strong.

That’s all for now. I need to go and remember how to write because this has been atrocious.

Cheers x